More of Me

I have this stirring inside of me.

I have this feeling that He wants more…

…of me as a wife and mother…

…from my talents…

…of me as an individual…

He’s wanting more of me. But what exactly? Or more importantly, how do I give Him what He wants of me?

Now, I’ve recently started reading Restless by Jennie Allen. Maybe that’s why I’ve got this stirring. The book asks: what’s my purpose? What’s God’s plan for me and how does that fit into His grand scheme?

Well, as a wife, He wants me to honor my husband. God wants me to submit to him and keep our household in order, running smoothly. What more can I do though? I know for me personally I lose my temper sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with housework. And you guessed it, poor Trevor bears the brunt of my bad mood. What I need to do is learn to take a moment, pray silently, and have the restraint to not take it out on my husband. He works hard at his job and also attends school to support our family. Sure, I can vent to him but I shouldn’t take it out on him. There’s the difference. He’s my husband–our marriage is a gift from God–and I should treat him as the special man that he is. God is showing me that I need to be a better wife to him, to care for him as he deserves and as the Bible has charged me to do. I need to be setting an example for my boys as to what to expect in their future spouse.

As a mother, I feel like I do my best to raise my three boys to love the Lord. We read the Bible and pray nightly. I fill their tiny ears and hearts with praise and worship music each time we are in the car, or while I’m cleaning the house. I try my hardest to show them how to live for God daily and not to be just a Sunday or Wednesday Christian. At times though, as I’m sure with every mom,  my patience wears thin. Sometimes I get fed up with the bickering and messes. And other times Mommy just wants quiet. I raise my voice more than I probably should; there seems to just be those days. You know, those days. But God wants more of me as a mother. He wants me to discipline my children with a loving hand and not with my mouth spouting off words before I think. I need to rely on Him to give me direction in those moments. I need to listen and allow God to speak through me when I need to discipline them. I want my children to remember me as a loving mother and the godly woman I strive to be, not as a domineering, quick-tempered mother. I want them to have a lasting impression of what it’s like to be firm in one’s faith and follow that example as they (hopefully) grow into men of God.

As for my talents, I feel Him pushing me to do more. I really don’t have the confidence to do that though. Sure, I love music. I love playing my keyboard and singing, but how do I do more? And I’ve found other ministries to work at within the church. I just feel this tug. I don’t know what He wants but I know He is luring me to do something more. All I can do is seek Him and ask Him to reveal His plans for me. I need to see how my talents are going to be used to further God’s Kingdom in ways I can’t even begin to fathom.

Now, me. I really don’t know what to do. I feel so many tugs at my heart to do so many things. I feel God just calling me to be a better person in general. I feel Him pulling me to be more open with my faith. I feel like He has placed a sense of urgency in my soul to do more with my life, to allow Him to really move in and through me. There’s just more for me. I believe He has promises for me. I believe He has hopes and dreams for me so big that I can’t even begin to grasp them. I believe He has put me where I’m at for just a time like this.

I may not understand His ways, nor will I ever, but God has got my attention. He’s given me the life and story that I have for a purpose. All I have to do is follow Him, be obedient, and try to figure out what this “more” is He’s pushing me to be.

“So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”‭‭ Hebrews‬ ‭10:35-36‬ ‭(NLT‬)

Let whatever you do be enough.

Lately I’ve had “just one of those days” far too often. You know the days I’m talking about (especially moms)…

Those days where the laundry seems to be regenerating as you are working on the current load. Those days where it seems you have done two or three loads of dishes, somehow still have a nearly full dirty load in the dishwasher, and rogue bottles and sippy cups on the counter. Those days where the living room is a minefield of toys with boobie traps down the hall to a toy riddled bedroom. Those days where cooking dinner is the last thing on your agenda and Lunchables or raw hot dogs sound okay as legitimate meal options. And those days where bedtime doesn’t come quite quick enough. You know those days?

When I have these days it’s easy to feel defeated…like a failure…a disappointment…flat out overwhelmed. In those moments sometimes tears fall, I may be a little more snippy with the boys when they misbehave, and end up going over my to-do list that didn’t get accomplished instead of falling asleep. In these moments I always appreciate the hug and offering of help from my husband.

But I’ve got to learn that what I did accomplish for the day is okay. It’s enough. And when I do feel overwhelmed sometimes I just need to breathe and be reminded of where my strength comes from—God.

Psalm 61:2 “From the ends of the earth, I cry to You for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety…”



Introducing our newest family member…

I know. It’s been a long while since I have wrote a post. But my absence has been for good reason…

Meet Deacon!

After a last minute induction, nine hours of labor, and roughly five minutes of pushing (yes, quick, I know) Deacon was born October 1, 2014 at 9:12pm. He weighed 7 pounds, 13 ounces and was 20 inches long. He has a head full of brown hair and steely blue eyes. He is absolutely perfect in every way. God has truly blessed us with a home full of loud boys.

 

 

The Hard Task of Disciplining Our Children

If you follow sports, watch the news, or are on social media, I’m sure you have heard the story circulating around Adrian Peterson and the charges of child abuse against him. If you are unfamiliar, you can click and read about it here. In a nutshell, Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson was indicted on charges of child abuse last week for punishing his son with a switch this past May. Now, I don’t know if there is photographic evidence out there of the injuries but apparently they were sufficient enough for the child’s mother to take him to see a doctor. The doctor was concerned with the amount of bleeding which led to police involvement.

You may be thinking, “Why is she even bringing this up? What does this have to do with anything that is typical of this blog?”

I bring it up because just today my devotional was on disciplining children and it got me thinking. What exactly does the Bible say about discipline? What is appropriate?

Proverbs 23:13-14 (NIV) says, “13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” Just ten chapters earlier, Solomon states in Proverbs 13:24 (NIV), “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”

Of course this isn’t a free pass to beat a child. God never intended discipline to come from a place of wrath. I believe discipline, in physical form (i.e. spanking), is completely acceptable as long as it isn’t excessive.

As a child (and remember I’m 26, going on 27), spankings were a normal form of punishment from my parents. My parents were never excessive with their punishment. If I threw a tantrum in the middle of Walmart because I didn’t get a toy, I got a spanking. A good two or three swats to my backside with Dad’s hand was enough to put me in line. I don’t resent my parents for the punishment I received nor do I feel like they were “bad parents” for what they did. In fact, back then, spankings were a normal form of discipline. I know friends who received whoopings from wooden spoons or belts.

Regardless of what is used for the spanking (like the hand for me, a branch or “switch” for Peterson’s son, or a belt like my friends), all of these punishments came from a good place. These forms of discipline were exerted on us because our parents were trying to correct a bad pattern so that we might grow up with a good foundation. Our parents punished us because they loved us. They recognized that if they allowed this bad behavior to continue it would manifest in our adult lives.

I’ll go on the record and say that I spank my own children. Some people may not agree with that but that’s okay. I’ll raise my children the way I want just as you have the right to raise yours how you choose. I understand that spankings don’t always work though. My oldest is about a month shy from six years old and spankings don’t always seem to work. So instead I had to find a different form of discipline. What seems to work best for him is the punishment of writing the same sentence 10-20 times (i.e. “I will listen to my mommy”). I know that might not seem like much to me and you but to an almost six year old it’s torture. We have found that to be a better form of punishment for him at this point. I think each family has to find a form of discipline that works best for their family and for each individual child.

No matter how you choose to discipline your children, remember that it is biblical. Children are a gift from God meant to be raised right. The verse we’ve all heard time and time again rings so true to that point, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,” Proverbs 22:6 (NIV). The disciplining of our children, and sometimes that discipline requires physical punishment, is meant to happen so that our children remember right from wrong as adults. Discipline was never meant to be an outlet for parent frustrations. It is suppose to come from a place of love. Discipline when partnered with Godly teaching and explanation as to why the child is being punished, I believe, is completely acceptable.

It’s Not About When, It’s About How

Do you ever find yourself wishing to be back at another time in your life?

Lately, that’s how I’ve felt. I’ve wished I could go back in time, so to say, or at least figure out how to replicate that time in the present.

Well, I’m learning life definitely doesn’t work that way. At all. Our lives our constantly changing, evolving, moving.

See, I don’t want to go very far back in time. I just want to go back about 10-11 months ago when I was beginning this journey as a stay-at-home-mom. I want to go back to when my husband left the house around 6:15am and came home around 3:15pm. I want to go back to waking up at 6:00am, having a cup of coffee while I do my Bible reading/devotional/prayer time, and feeling refreshed before the kids would wake up at 7:00am. My house was kept pretty immaculate and I took pride in having everything in it’s place. Dinner was planned ahead, ready to be cooked, and served at 5:00pm—just like clockwork.

None of this happens now. Instead, my husband normally leaves for work around 2:15pm and is home by 11:10pm (unless he works a double). My personal quiet time with God takes place anytime between 9:30am and 10:30pm, all while being interrupted by the kids in some way, shape, or form. My house is far from the tidy place it once was. Toys and other things clutter my living room and kitchen table. Dinner at 5:00pm now is usually macaroni and cheese or Lunchables since it’s just me, a five year old, and a two year old. Now nothing is quite how I envisioned being a stay-at-home-mom would be like. And to top it all off, in a matter for five and a half weeks or less, the baby will be making his appearance which will only add to the chaos that is my everyday life.

Want to know what I really miss about that orderly lifestyle I had at the beginning of this homemaker journey?

My uninterrupted, secret time with Jesus. Having that 45 minutes to an hour with my Maker. Being able to press in without having to settle a dispute over a toy or having to make a sippy cup. That’s what I miss the most. Of course I miss spending evenings with my husband and our children. But what is most important is time spent with God. And it doesn’t feel good when that time seems to lack it’s intimacy, it’s alone time specialness.

Distractions are never a good thing. Now, I know what you’re probably thinking… “Just get up early still and keep doing them before the house wakes up.” Well, that’s a lot easier said than done when I don’t go to bed now until 12:30-1:00am since my husband comes home after 11:00pm. Late nights are our time together as a couple. With that being said, I know that our relationships should go 1) God, 2) spouse, and 3) family. I guess I’m just struggling with imitating the relationship that I had with God when I use to meet with Him at 6:00am. I’m not trying to replace our time spent together with time spent with my husband or children.

Ha, I just had an epiphany as I was typing this… Maybe it’s not a season of my life to be repeated. Maybe my time with Him should be ever evolving just like the rest of my life. I’ll admit, this last almost year, my time with Him has been the same day in and day out. I start by reading the daily devotional built in my Bible, followed by reading out of the devotional Jesus Calling, and ending with writing in my prayer journal. Maybe this rut, this lack of special time, is because I need to change how I meet with Him. It probably has nothing to do with what time I meet with Him. It has more to do with how I meet with Him. Man, that was like a lightbulb just went off…

No matter how my life has changed in the last year or so, it’s meant to have changed. And this change is okay. Instead of fighting it and trying to replicate what I once had, I need to just embrace the beautiful chaos that I now live in and know that it’s okay. I need to reevaluate how I meet with God. He, just like my life, is ever changing. He doesn’t need to adapt to me and my lifestyle. I need to adapt to Him. If our private time isn’t meant to be at 6:00am, that’s okay because He will meet with me at another point of the day. Besides, I’m about to have plenty of early mornings once this baby arrives…